Fear of failing and 3 Insightful Ideas to get through difficult times

July 25, 2020

Ponder Points- insights by Chris Educator

Dark Night of the Soul: 3 Insightful Ideas to get through it


Life for most of us can be normal most of the time. There are phases of being elated and some painful episodes thrown in between.

These Painful periods can come all of a sudden or can pull us gradually into it. It can be induced as a kind of discipline by ascetically motivated (I imagine...Dan Brown-style...Self Flagellating, Lol)

via GIPHY

It's often called the Dark Night of the soul. A Period where everything seems confusing and topsy turvy. It can feel like your joys are just pulled away from you.

It's a pretty crappy phase. But it can teach one a lot. If this describes what's happening, Believe me, it would feel like no understands you and you are like the only person who has gone through it.

But it's not at all like that, It's happened to me once. It's a long story and I don't think this is the right medium to express those experiences. In my head (at least), I think it could easily fill a book.

What People say about it

The concept is derived from a 16th Century Mystic, St. John of the Cross. He was a Catholic Saint and he wrote about the experience in a poem.

Going through so many quotes it's amazing how the experience is common and at the same time transformative.

For me, it was like a Job (a Biblical character) like experience. The common thread is pain and transformation.

I wanted to quote some people here, But no. I will be sharing links to other articles. I think it would be like reinventing the wheel.

The idea is to inform you and help. I have been there and it can feel really lonely. Here are some interesting articles.

Article No. 1

The Dark Night of the Soul: Understanding Amidst the Absence of Meaning by Joshua Press.

In article, Joshua shares beautiful quotes on Dark Night of the Soul (DNTS). He shares interesting points and the transformative experience of it.

It's an article that can get you to understand the topic deeper and from a different perspective.

Article No. 2

18 Signs You’re Experiencing A Dark Night Of The Soul, Otherwise Known As an Existential Crisis by Brianna Wiest.

This article speaks on the way to identify if you are going through it. 

She covers a list of points that would help you identify DNTS in your life or situation.

Article No.3 (Not exactly an Article, But a Wiki)

Dark Night of the Soul by Wikipedia

This wiki covers various aspects of DNTS and it is quite informative.

There could be more resources but I think this would give us a good way to explore the topic a bit more. 

Why I think it's an Opportunity

Looking back, I think it was actually an opportunity. I realized the freedom I had in myself. 

I saw the Bullshit all around, all the things that were actually tying me down and pull me under its weight.

Maybe sometimes things are allowed to happen to us to free us (I am sure many people may not like what I am saying).

Sometimes rebooting and starting over may not be a bad thing. It could be for the good. 

We can use our insights and troubles to benefit.

Clichéd but we could actually Transform our Mess into a Message.

Some Pointers

3 R's


via GIPHY

So what is 3R? Its a song heard from my daughter. Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. 

Yes, 😂 You heard it right. In real life, we must recycle the crap we face and transform it into something useful.

Just because something is garbage, it does not logically ( and Experientially) follow that discarding it (Experiences, Relations, or maybe our Painful experiences) is the only option.

Yes, It is easier said than done. But it is a Transformative Experience. Dying and came back to a 'New life' is a theme we see in nature and religion, It is not without wisdom.

So We must Reduce toxic thoughts/people, Reuse our time and thoughts to move beyond ourselves, and Recycle our crappy phases to our benefit.

Self Caring is not selfish. You can help others only when you are there.

Delay Decision Making


Don't rush making important decisions


When we are not in a proper zone Mentally I wonder how wise it is to make a decision.

Think about it, it is not. Rational and well thought of decisions can go bad ( Due unknown factors )

So imagine making Life-changing decisions when things are very different from normal.

I heard this advice from a Preacher John Mac Arthur ( I don't agree with all that he says, But Good advice is good)

When you are going through the Dark Night of the soul mode, it can really screw with your head.

See-through the Illusion


via GIPHY

Sometimes when things are difficult or we are trying to solve problems sticking to only one perspective can be binding and many can be confusing.

This power idea caught my attention. The idea that when we are in difficult moments we only tend to evaluate our past through dark lenses.

We paint everything bad and gloomy. Maybe we need to see things from another perspective.

May be like an illusion careful analysis and wisdom would be required to understand things. I believe our situations are no different.

Conclusion

DNTS can be difficult, but it should encourage you that many people have shared the same experience.

They have used situations like this to transform themselves. It's human and normal to have experiences like these. 

If you find it overburdensome, share your experiences with a friend or a professional counselor.

I hope this article was interesting and has helped you. Do share this article and give me your feedback about my thoughts/opinions and how you find my website.

Catch you in the next post. 

[full-width]

Continue Reading

The Short guide on Understanding Introvertedness: Advantages of Being Introverted and some necessary myth-busting

July 20, 2020

Understanding Introversion and some wrong ideas about it


Introversion is not a disease


I have been comfortable with being me for quite a long time. 

But during my shyness phase, things were quite different. 

I remember when my parents would push me to make new friends. 

They treat my Introvertedness as something bad. I don't know your opinion, but It's okay to be yourself.

Over the years while reflecting on the topic of Introversion-Extroversion. I realized I was not Introverted but an ambivert. 

Nonetheless, I tend more towards being an introvert (Though my wife thinks I am a full-blown extrovert.)

Today, Let's look at what does it mean to be an introvert and How does it differ from an extrovert.


What is an Introvert?

According to the Dictionary, It means a Shy, reticent person.

It's understandable how it can seem quite out of place for some to be one. But think about it, if there are 2 introverts for every 5 people. 

We are speaking about a lot of them (This is not a verified figure, I am using this figure to drive a point). 

Imagine there are billions of people, and that all are somehow deficient. The reason because they are not very sociable or whatever.

It is plain stupid. According to Introvert Retreat, 25% of the U.S. population are introverts. They say that other studies say that it is about 50% of the population.

So if you are an introvert, You are fine and it's normal. There is nothing to sweat about.


An Introvert is not shy (Though some could be)

Interesting Video on Shyness vs Introversion


Yes, Whatever the definition may be, all Introverts are not shy. 

I have had friends who were comfortable not being too sociable. They preferred more close friends and deeper conversations. 

But they were far from being shy.

So Thinking to be an Introvert is to be shy is not true. Shyness is not introversion, and I would like to speak about that in the future.


Homebound by choice

Being Introverted does not mean staying at home all the time.

There could be other reasons for that. 

I would love to move around but at the same time be comfortable with myself being with no one. 

 I did not feel alone or anything. 

In my mind, it was more time for thoughtful reflection and enjoying the moment in my own kind of way.


Boring

People have their definitions or criteria for what they enjoy.

It's personal and generalizing it is a problem. I enjoy debates and love reading books. 

For another person, this may not be stimulating. To me that is fine. Each one can have their own idea of what fun is. 

There are no celestial commandments of fun.


So are there any advantages to being an Introvert?


Never assume quiet is weak and loud is strong - Anonymous
 

It's pretty obvious there are advantages. Some may not want to reflect on the benefits of Introversion.

For Starters, Introverts have more time to pursue ideas and thoughts. 

They couple it with reflection and deep thinking. This has its advantages.

Another benefit could be Reasoning and being deliberate before making a decision. 

This could help them make thoughtful and strategic decisions.

Last but not the least, They can give a good listening hear. Probably proper guidance too. This could really great.


Conclusion

There is a lot more I could say about Introversion. But I think as Humans we generalize to help us make sense of People and concepts.

But each person is unique and sometimes these generalizations are unfair and stereotypical.

I have included some resources to help you dig deeper into this topic and related ideas.

Do Join our Community by liking my FB page for more ideas and updates.

Do share your feedback and comments!


Further Reading

Continue Reading

3 Super Interesting ways to understanding EQ gives you an edge

June 20, 2020

Using EQ to build self and others

Using EQ to build self and others


Emotional Quotient is very important. It can be decisive to a better career and relationships too.

In the previous post, I discussed What is EQ and some tools to building a Strong EQ.

In this blog, I want to discuss some important pointers about EQ that we must keep in mind. 

This will help us use EQ in our personal lives and may be at work too.

Technical Skills vs EQ

Education and work stresses require more than just technical skills. To think about it we need much more than just doing our jobs. 

I have seen students who are more confident and self assured get good placements. Later on succeed and get good positions in their organisation that they are working with.

It all comes down the realisation that technical skills is what is the basic need for a position. It is an important aspect of our performance in a job. 

But to lead we need to guide people and move into areas that we may not be familiar.

I would like to stress on some aspects of EQ that are important. I will be sharing about EQ from the point of view of Life and work in general.

Important Aspects of EQ

Using EQ to understand ourselves

Using EQ to understand others

Understanding others by understanding Self


In our professional life or may be personal life, we find it important to understand people we live and interact with.

Understanding others can start with a better relationship with oneself.

It simply means understanding our responses and interactions with others and in different situations.


Using EQ to succeed in our careers and relationships

Better EQ better career

Better EQ better career

One thing I find common between careers and relationships is that we need to understand others and oneself to succeed.

Put oneself in other people's shoes is just not something that is obvious, but much needed. 

A Lot of these ideas would seem sensible to alot of us, but using our empathy effectively requires intent and action.

EQ thus helps us respond to different situations and events that may bring problems to its resolution or issues to its solution.

These solutions don't need to perfect, but when we understand our own emotions and those of others we are in more fruitful situation to act and respond.

Building our EQ to lead

Leadership is not domination

Leadership is not domination

Leadership doesn't need to come with a position, but I think it also requires strong vision and abilities.

One such powerful tool we have is EQ. EQ helps us understand ourselves and others.

It can be used to uplift self and others. This can be a powerful strategy in building our communities and businesses.


Daniel Goleman on improving your EQ


Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence

In this video, Daniel goleman shares about the research he has done with Major Corporates in the area of EQ.

He starts with a simple definition of EQ. I found it quite interesting to note that an Organisation can use as a strategic decision.

He shares how it's used in the context of business and career growth.

Conclusion

Using our Emotions and utilising the emotions of others can help us succeed in our jobs and relationships too. 

Life is a journey that teaches us a lot of things that we can learn from and use.

[full-width]

Continue Reading

EQ, 3 Important Benefits, Key tools and having a strong Emotional Quotient as an Important Life Skills

May 23, 2020

Importance of Emotional Quotient and Benefits of working on it

As an Educator, I have seen Parents really sweat about their children not performing. I think it is important to perform well in exams and in academics in general. But I really appreciate that over the years a lot of students have been encouraged to also focus on building themselves as individuals.

Simple Skills like Listening and Expressing oneself is so Important. A healthy and vibrant education system should also work on building the emotional Life of a person. Working on building ones EQ is as important as IQ.

As an Introvert or to be precise as an Introvert who does seem like one, The concept of Emotional Quotient can be a very useful tool in understanding oneself and others. It helps one see the importance of Feelings and subjective thinking in the way we understand life, concepts and also ourselves.

What is EQ?

Understanding ourselves and others

Understanding ourselves and others


As a student of Management and Psychology, I would like to explore the concept of EQ. Emotional Quotient is a concept I learnt when I read a book by Daniel Goleman by the same name. My Uncle introduced me to this concept and Its quite a powerful tool.

A textbook definition of Emotional Quotient reads as "It is the ability to be in control emotions of oneself, others or a group". So as the definition suggests it can help you understand yourself and others. Like any ability practice and good understanding of the related concepts and exercises will help you get a better grasp on it. 

Let me share an experience of how EQ helped me, I pursued an MBA as I was interested in understanding how big and impossible tasks could be managed very successfully and seemingly easily. 

It really motivated me to pursue management as a subject. But I understood that besides understanding Management and related topics, I needed to express myself. The introvertedness was not the problem, Though I thought it was.

I needed to present myself and do public speaking. This really made me scared. After reflecting on the problem I understood that rather than introvertedness, it was shyness that was the issue. 

I began to see that I never knew of techniques and methods to deliver a good speech. Some people had these abilities naturally, for me it was not a part of my mental make. To make a long story short I had to learn Public speaking and really enjoyed my MBA.

Sometimes we don't realise that understanding ourselves can also help us in dealing with issues and it also helps us in helping others.

Emotional Quotient or even building your Intelligence requires constant working. So do grab the Book by Daniel Goleman  (Not an Affiliate Link...I don't earn anything on this link) on this topic for a thorough study on the topic.

But to share in brief some quick ideas on EQ, Some important components of EQ would be Self awareness, Self Management, Social awareness and Relationship management.

Self Awareness would be trying to understand one's thinking and moods.

Self management would be recognising your own emotions and how they affect others.

Social Awareness as the name suggest will focus on how we build rapport with others. So that would mean things like understanding others, learning to be socially comfortable etc.

Lastly Relationship Management will deal with building good relationships. This has many personal and work related applications.

As you can see this is a really powerful concept. Now let's jump into why this matters and how this is going to help you. Before I continue I am not getting any Affiliate Mullah or Money for promoting this book. It's just that the book is really useful.

The Benefits

Benefits of EQ

Benefits of EQ


I noticed some benefits to practicing Emotional Intelligence. It helped me connect with people. I was able to connect better with people around me. 

Besides these benefits there are more benefits to practicing EQ. A better EQ helps us understand others and helps us motivate ourselves and others as well. A lot of companies prefer employees with better EQ.

EQ also contributes to better Stress and Mental Health Management. This impacts our personal and work lives. 

Now let us look at some key tools to a Strong EQ.

Key Tools for building a Strong EQ

FEAR

FEAR- False Expectations Appearing Real


Some of the tools that helps build a Strong EQ are as follows:

Practice Mindfulness: It is making a habit of being present in the current moment. It's about not getting lost in the past or the present. It's about being still and knowing the present moment.

Communication: Communication is a very powerful tool. Communication is more than expressing our thoughts, it's also about expressing ourselves. Most of our Communication is much more than words. It also means listening to others and their body language. This helps us relate with them and understand much more than words that they are saying.

Laugh a bit: Life has its ups and downs. Laughing at life is not only delightful but it also lightens up situations. It also helps see the lighter side of life.

Right Attitude:  Life is difficult, but the right attitude make us brave. It helps us deal with situations that appear. I loved the full form I heard from a sermon by Rev. Joyce Meyer, F.E.A.R. is False Expectations Appearing Real. Fear can distort our reality. When it's coupled with wrong attitudes can prove ineffective in solving problems.

Conclusion

via GIPHY

So building our Emotional Quotient is as important as working on our IQ. We must encourage healthy emotional and mental habits in ourselves and other.

Change your mind, Change your life. In the next article, I will be looking at some important aspects of EQ. Catch you in the next post, Ciao!

[full-width]
Continue Reading

Reasons why your time is an important resource

May 05, 2020

Time is one of our most precious resources

Staying at home has got more busier than ever. Housework can be so tedious, can't imagine how our domestic helps manage all this and then go back home to their families. 

They are like angels, A lot of times we fail to appreciate the simple things that life can bless us with.

Today I am going to share ideas and thoughts on one of such resources. This Resource is the most valuable. People think it is in abundance and they trade it like there is a lot of it. 

That resource is time. Only if all knew the amount of time we have allotted to us, life would be very different.

Time and Timing are really two powerful ideas. One is a resource and the other is a strategy. Time Management thus becomes important, But today I want to explore the 'Why'.

Exploring the 'Why' 

Our strategies would be incomplete if it is completely divorced from time.

 

I think wages for time and expertise is something most of us can relate to whether we are employed or employing others. 

A lot of our aspirations require time, For example if you want to lose your weight. It could take a lot of time. Starting a business completing or getting a degree also takes time.

Our concern with results requires us to make decisions in time. Thus our strategies in utilizing time is critical. Our strategies would be incomplete if it is completely divorced from time.

It would be lost to irrelevance. Time thus can said to be a very important resource. Often Leisure can get a bad name as it can be mistaken as an activity to misuse time. But Leisure in itself is harmless, it utilizes our spare time to bring a certain kind of refreshment and enjoyment to our lives. Like anything important and good it can also be misused.

But this is the way we master things by our hits and misses. So managing this important resource time becomes important. We can utilise it for earning a living, leisure or achieving a goal. But all of these ventures require fruitful utilization of our goals and this important resource called 'Time'.

Some ideas to consider

Prepared Mind
Prepared Mind with Useful actions

So we must not waste time they say, But how about wasting some of it to manage it more effectively. 

Like any thing that needs to be managed we must direct it a specific end or purpose.  We should able to detect when we are wasting it and when we are utilising it.

So Clarity in effective Time Management can start with knowing when we are wasting it and having some guidelines to effectively know when we are not using it properly. We could grade our tasks accordingly, in keeping our goals in mind.

Time management I believe besides being a system is an art that needs to be mastered.

Time makes your dreams* a reality


via GIPHY

I believe that when we use Time effectively we can help us lead a more fulfilling life. This is what I mean by Dreams i.e. Aspirations that take a form or reality in our lives.

Time utilised properly means doing tasks and paying attention to certain goals. Eventually they are achieved by going through a series of successes and failures. 

There is no magic here, but successful utilisation of a Powerful Resource. So in a sense Time is the only resource we must be thrifty about.

Time is Precious

I believe its a normal feeling to be reminiscing our childhood days. The fun we had in school. How simple life seemed when we were in school...But it would not be realistic to expect someone to turn back time.

This is how irreplaceable and precious time is. Instead of hoping and praying for the gift of bilocation, sensibly we can use Time Management. Doing one thing at a time properly and strategically to enjoy and achieve our goals successfully.

We must not think of Time Management as something we do alone, we hire and delegate others to help us achieve our goals. 

For example, If you want to a healthy diet. Consult a dietician and get a cook or recipe to have the necessary healthy meals required. Join a group of people who into weight loss and get the support required. 

Of course, This is just an example...But the thing is that Time Management doesn't need to be individualistic. 

Team up and be flexible. Being rigid in my experience has only made feel hopeless and eventually give up. Incorporating a bit of flexibility has helped a great deal.

Starting with Effective Time Management

I am sure there many good resources on Time Management, I plan to create a useful resource too (Would be available soon...Check this space soon!). But for now, I think we need to have good reasons for effectively implementing Time Management.

For starters, Time is a resource that we only have a limited quota of. For most of us we do not know how much. This is not that bad.

We must keep in mind that most of our goals and aspirations require time to achieve. Teaming up with people is an important aspect of being Effective Time Management.

Of course there are many other skills required. But I think focus on the right reasons are highly essential for effective Time Management.

One concrete way to start could be by Journaling your successes and failures to implement Time Management. 

Conclusion

So wrapping up, Reasons there are plenty, But focus on the important things can keep us grounded. I believe Time is too precious and each moment unique.

Right Thought and Effective Management always requires proper systems and structure, but focus on the reasons cannot be traded to be effective.

I would like to end this article with this powerful quote, 

Time is precious

I wish you the best of  health and fulfilling life. 

Please share and comment on this article with your valuable feedback.

Further Reading

Things not to do when things get difficult

Preparing a Gratitude Journal


[full-width]

Continue Reading
Subscribe to: Posts ( Atom )
Powered by Blogger.