The Cost of Being too Nice

Difficulties of Being Too Nice

I was just speaking to a Customer Service Executive the other day, the person was hardly audible.

I assume he was just shy or maybe not trying to shout on the microphone. But I wasn't able to hear him, He wasn't audible. I didn't want to shout him down and kill his confidence.

 I pursued the conversation. I was terminating their service and they wanted references. Now imagine, doing a referral call and not firmly asking the customer for referrals. It's a pretty awkward situation, I was able to empathize with him.

 A lot of time it is wrong ideas and our perception that hold us back from self-actualization.

So I decided to help him out. I got my headset plugged it into my mobile phone and spoke to him.

I encouraged him to get close to the microphone on his headset and request clearly. I didn't end up giving him referrals, but I helped him speak clearly. I spared myself the guilt of not helping a learner.

The 24/7 Educator

As an Educator, We have to push ourselves to go beyond being nice and try exploring avenues to guide people. For me, everybody is in sales, and philosophy and in business. 

Not being nice, doesn't mean being ruthless. So when you philosophise it's okay to not be nice and share the truth of your message. But being ruthless is not the other option. 

We can learn to use our words and gestures carefully, we can choose to build people.

It's a different matter if you find people unworthy and ungrateful. 

Practice Gratefulness whenever necessary and without expectations.

In Short, Be Nice.

So let us look at some of the Negatives of being too Nice 

Check out this article on

How to write a Gratitude Journal?

Negatives of being too Nice 

1. Less Valued:

It's right to be Nice and a lot of us have been brought up to be kind and thoughtful of others. But we have also been taught to speak our minds and stand for what is right. 

Conveniently ignoring the latter and only pursuing the former selectively is hypocritical. 

That's a problem, In the pursuit of Pleasing others we forget some of our values. 

Quite interesting, How we can be selective in being nice. We mostly overlook this aspect.

2. People won't be there for you:

Expecting everyone to be like you and share the same values is perceiving the world incorrectly. 

Of course, As humans, we do share a lot in common.

People have different values, worldviews, and ethical systems. Just being agreeable and too nice is overlooking a lot. It's okay to disagree and if people don't share your values, it's fine. 

Some people may not reciprocate the same goodness and this is where being very nice gets you into a lot of trouble. 

We start expecting others to be the same, and they may not think it important to help you (when you need them). 

So it is important to have relationships but they should be ones where we allow mutual benefit and self-growth to thrive. 

We should avoid toxic relationships, where we are just sponged on and taken advantage of.

3. Impossibility of pleasing everybody

Let's imagine the idea of pleasing everybody, It's so daunting. 

My Goodness think about it, you have to please everybody you know and imagine what a waste of time. (You would be surprised, just how many take you for granted or don't even acknowledge the goodness)

An additional negative aspect of this is that we don't leave open the opportunity for people to move ahead. 

It obligates them (Some may perceive) because we have more chips of goodness over them.

4. Lack of Assertiveness & its ill effects

A very important thing to realize is that maybe we are not that assertive. 

So it can be a great opportunity to realize that and practice assertiveness. We can also start building healthy friendships.

5. Wrong Perception of the World

Lastly, I believe it stems from a wrong perception of things especially the world around us. 

As we have seen, earlier people have different values and agenda, being nice to everybody may not be the best strategy. So we need something better and healthier. 

So the next question that comes to our minds is 'What to do next?'

But before we go ahead on being Truly nice. Let us consider some disadvantages, quickly.

Some Disadvantages of Being Too Nice

1. Losing Social Capital

It's less beneficial as the individual does not take healthy advantage of his / her efforts of caring for others. Thus reducing his social capital.

2. Losing the Benefits of Being Assertive

Being Assertive has its benefits, For example, We have the benefit of refusing choices that we don't want to pursue. This helps in increasing our confidence and also indirectly building our public image.

3. Lowering your Personal Brand Value

People tend to perceive us badly, Personal Branding like branding is all about perception. Being overly Nice rather than genuine and assertive can hamper one's reputation and thus lower one's Brand Value.

4. Lacking the ability to provide genuine help

Lastly, It prevents healthy and genuine help. Thus making helping others only becomes a matter of gaining brownie points.

Let's See how to stop being Nice and Be Genuine

Understanding your identity

Identity plays a key role in how we view ourselves and understand others. We need to look at ourselves and understand that the external me is not the person inside. 

We need to see and understand who we are and what we are doing. We need to understand our values and know ourselves better. 

This will give us a better ground to build self-confidence and take steps boldly, Confident in ourselves and our values.

Building your EQ

It is a very good thing that modern education in schools makes an effort to build a person's emotional life. 

We must not fool ourselves into thinking that it is only our knowledge or expertise that makes us who we are. I believe it is much more than that. 

We are much more than who we think we are. Our emotions and emotional life matter, so do that of the people around us.

But just pandering to people and trying to please everybody is tragic, strategically and personally. It completely lacks wisdom.

Cultivating Healthy Friendships

In this day of Social Media, we think a longer friend list matters. I must tell it is far from being true. I am not saying don't connect with old acquaintances and good old friends.

 But I think it is wise to invest in a healthy support system of a limited number of friends and extended family members.

I believe rather than pleasing everybody, It is okay to piss some people off.

Joy of Assertiveness

I came across this idea of being assertive during my Graduate day. A friend of mine had shared with me a book on Assertiveness. Ever since then, I have been practicing it. It is very magical. 

As an Educator, It would be rather difficult to please than everybody (all the time). Imagine the joy of setting rules that can create a learning environment and a rapt audience in your classroom ( It's simply priceless). 

As an Educator, it is essential to set certain rules or a framework for discipline. Assertiveness helps in building a culture of learning in the classroom. It is also very effective in personal life too. 

Does it irritate some people,? You bet it does. But as I said it earlier, it joyfully fine. :)

Purpose of True Niceness

The purpose of being Truly Nice is to be genuine and build yourself while helping others. This I think is the basic purpose of being Genuinely nice.

Concluding Thoughts

As an Educator and a student of Self Growth, I believe it is wise to be genuine and assertive. It pays to invest in friends and family that understand and value you. Seeking popularity to replace genuine relationships can often be an empty pursuit.

Wish you Happy Learning and meet you in the next Blog Post. Ciao!

Further Reading

Personal Identity: A Quiz with an informative article on Personal Identity

Importance of Daily Efforts: A Quote on the importance of Daily Steps

What is Emotional Intelligence?