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The Joy of giving Positive feedback - Humanising our experience as Customers

August 27, 2020

 

Joy of Positive Feedback

Counter-Intuitive Idea that Customers have a Responsibility

What is Positive Feedback?

A Few Days back I got the whacked idea of just telling some of the service providers they were doing a great job.

Practising Assertiveness has been quite awesome, but sometimes People can mistake me for a d*ckh@3d. Lol, Sorry for using the expletives. But it clearly brings out the right feeling of how people would feel about someone being only assertive.

The important thing is that it made me feel so good to appreciate another person. Though I was paying for the service, encouraging another to serve better... I wasn't going to lose anything.

So to understand Positive Feedback, I would like to start with defining it. To each one Positive Feedback could mean something different. 

I will be using a  Management Definition of Positive Feedback. According to Better Team, It is defined as, "Positive feedback is given to employees when they meet or exceed business targets, overcome a challenge, go the extra mile, or introduce innovative ideas."

So in the context of Management, it is used to encourage employees to meet or exceed business targets or overcome challenges.

Definitions apart I think it is a great practice. If we think it through this practice is also relevant in our daily lives. We could apply this Management concept to people who provide us with a service or add value to us.

It helps encourage positive behaviour and it helps us express Gratitude that builds people. I believe this is a really transformative and personally self-building habit to have.

So now let us delve into how this could be important.

Why is positive feedback important?

I want to start by looking at the Telos for Positive Feedback. The hints of it are included all around the definition.

It is also included in our understanding of Feedback. Feedback is generally used in the context of Management to help the employee understand how they have been working. The employee gets an idea of how they are working with standards and fulfilling company objectives.

Positive feedback tells an employee they are doing a good job. This feedback is also important to a lot of Professionals that serve us every day.

They could be self-employed or local small businesses who are doing their work better than expected. 

Positive feedback is important for them too. It would help them get more passionate about their work and get healthy support. (that all of us need often)

How to give Positive Feedback...

So there are different ways to do that. A lot of it is quite simple and just requires recognising the value the other person has created for us. I am going to give some pointers on how to give feedback to anyone. 

Point Number 1: Coupling Positive Feedback with Negative Feedback

Giving Positive Feedback does not mean you don't tell them where they need improvement. It would sometimes come to our minds how the other person may receive it. But to think about it, we don't control people's reactions. The courtesy shown with intentions and love should be something that helps us understand that we are using our expression of Gratitude constructively.

Point Number 2: Using Positive Language

Positive language for feedback

Mention positive points and speak about any issues too

This could be when writing feedback or even telling the person. You could simply mention what you like about it. You could also use simple expressions like 'Well Done' or 'Fantastic' etc. If you are super impressed you could say things like "Fantastic!" or "Awesome" etc.

Point Number 3: Medium doesn't Matter, But the timing does

Timing matters too
Feedback is good

Each of us has our own way of expressing ourselves. One could write a note or drop a review online. Tell the person about what impressed you about the work he or she did directly. I think besides doing this, timing also matters. So how do we know the right time to give a business or professional feedback? When we see that it would relevant to the person. One hint could be you see that they are going the extra mile to do a good job.

Positive Feedback Situations

Here are some situations that I can think of:
  • Customer Service Person was better than expected
  • The teacher gave an interesting Lecture
  • Health care professional helped you get better
  • A Local Business gave you a huge discount

There are innumerable situations that can encourage people and build them up. Feedback is a very essential component to grow better. We all need it, but not the destructive kind that tears people down. So whether you are giving positive or negative feedback it is both healthy and essential.

You could use some of the pointers I gave you earlier and drop a line or two on paper. 

You could even tell the person and share a positive review online.

In Conclusion

I think all of us would love to hear kind and encouraging words that break our routines and remind us we are doing things make a difference (though we do not realise it).

Receiving feedback can be difficult, but constructive and well-communicated feedback can really help people.

Please do consider sharing any constructive feedback, it would be a blessing. Do like & share this article.

Thank you for stopping by. I will meet you in the next article.

References:





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The Art of not joining a course you don't need and not be sucked into joining one.

August 05, 2020

The Art of not joining a course you don't need and not be sucked into joining one.


As an Educator blogging was a new task. As I mentioned earlier, after a lot of prodding and pushing from friends and family I decided to do this.

It's been a learning experience. I must say, Do I recommend it for everyone yes and no.

No, Because as a Trainer who teaches Communication skills I don't think it to be the sole medium out there.

I must admit I initially thought of it as not something that important...But it surprised me the potential that simple activities like blogging and vlogging can have.

It is tremendous. Just move over to Patreon and see Artists, Educators, Vloggers, Musicians sharing their passion and people supporting them. It's so encouraging.


Is there a Magic Formula?

Yes, Passion & Hardwork. It cannot be taught, but it can be 'Caught'.

Nowadays there the internet is sort of flooded with courses. Some of them promise huge incomes and quick. solutions.

So are all of them frauds? Maybe not. I believe it also depends on the students too.

Let me explain 'Why' and 'How'.


The 'Why'  

Before we undertake any study, we need to understand some background about it.

I remember earlier in the days when 3D animation was one of the new courses been offered amongst various other computer courses.

People would join a computer course thinking that they would be able to create animations. 

It's only after spending much time and understanding that they would see the difference.

It was spending time and effort to study what was going on that helped them see the difference.

So if you join a wrong course, Maybe the Marketing was exaggerated and maybe they promised the moon and you did n't get it, but I do think it's also important to understand the topics that are going to be covered in a course.

This would help you evaluate the usefulness of it. Secondly, I would give importance to understanding the credibility of the Instructor.

Testimonials are good, but case studies are better. It would help you see how the system or information they are teaching has been making a difference.


The 'How'

So here I am going to look at 'How' about being misdirected into joining a course, community, or anything you don't want to be a part of.

Marketing is a lovely tool to present the best service or product. But can be misused to misdirect and get a sale.

Eventually, you get sucked into a funnel which later would seem like a long rabbit hole. One that rips you off at various junctures or maybe even benefits you.

So to understand How one can be responsible for all this could be to look at our motives.

Some examples of wrong motives. We want a quick fix to learning a major skill or we think we can hear our way to Experience. The wrong idea that only learning or hearing about something is enough.

Most of us will agree that first-hand experience is really valuable and that sometimes are individual experiences though useful to others can sometimes not fit right with everybody.

It's just a human experience. Now coming back to the 'How' question. I would say it is important to take responsibility for our learning.

What does this mean in real life...Doing background research into what you are seeking to learn and how this relates to you.

How the course would help you achieve your goals and it could practically help you. It is possible courses could meet 80% of what you expected. Would that be reasonable... 

Related to that would be. What was participation like?

Did you give feedback to the instructor, How did the instructor receive the feedback? 

Did you come to the course with certain misconceptions about the course?

Many important and related questions that would surely come to our minds. But I do think it all starts with the student.

In short, your Homework starts before you join the course.


3 Things to look at while joining a 'Course'


Look before you leap

Joining a Course is not a short cut to Learning


Yes, you read it right. Joining a course can be fun, but as an instructor, we can influence our students a lot.

But using this influence to hard-sell products, in my opinion, is wrong.

So before doing a course, we must be clear just not about the title of the course. We must also have a look at what is taught in the course.

Just joining a course will not make you a Super Digital marketer or get you $10k income per month.

Yes, it can teach you a system that can help. 

But the important thing to realize is that ultimately the responsibility of taking action resides solely on your shoulders.


Focus on the 20%

   Interesting Video by Coffeezilla on Fake guru courses

Use the Pareto principle, Understand what is the chunk of the course that can help you.

Try to understand how the remaining course ties up with what course promises to deliver.

Explore the topics you are learning by reading some white papers and case studies.

This will broaden your understanding. It will give a better grip on the topic.

But on the flip side, if not done properly it can lead to just absorbing information and lack of action.


Teaching is an art

Being a Teacher is an art, and just not a Profession


Just because someone is a good artist or musician or Marketer, it does n't mean that the person is going to be a good teacher.

Teaching is an art and experience teaches you a lot. Just like other professions, one is a good or a bad teacher which is different from a Non-Teacher (Or one could say an Educator).

I believe a good Educator should balance Theory and Application. Some people would not like Theory.

I believe Theory is important because it gives you the vocabulary to stay tuned with ongoing Research and connected with the shared body of knowledge in a given area of study or field.


Wrapping it up

We live in an information age, but educating ourselves becomes even more important to avoid bad choices.

It is a great endeavour to continually educate ourselves, to learn new ideas and change.

But the reality also is that Education has a commercial side to it. 

Please do Share your feedback in the comment section, I would like to know about any experiences you had with online courses. 

It would be interesting to know about any experience, Good or Bad.

Thank you for your time...Meet you in the next blog post. Ciao!

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Fear of failing and 3 Insightful Ideas to get through difficult times

July 25, 2020

Ponder Points- insights by Chris Educator

Dark Night of the Soul: 3 Insightful Ideas to get through it


Life for most of us can be normal most of the time. There are phases of being elated and some painful episodes thrown in between.

These Painful periods can come all of a sudden or can pull us gradually into it. It can be induced as a kind of discipline by ascetically motivated (I imagine...Dan Brown-style...Self Flagellating, Lol)

via GIPHY


It's often called the Dark Night of the soul. A Period where everything seems confusing and topsy turvy. It can feel like your joys are just pulled away from you.

It's a pretty crappy phase. But it can teach one a lot. If this describes what's happening, Believe me, it would feel like no understands you and you are like the only person who has gone through it.

But it's not at all like that, It's happened to me once. It's a long story and I don't think this is the right medium to express those experiences. In my head (at least), I think it could easily fill a book.

What People say about it

The concept is derived from a 16th Century Mystic, St. John of the Cross. He was a Catholic Saint and he wrote about the experience in a poem.

Going through so many quotes it's amazing how the experience is common and at the same time transformative.

For me, it was like a Job (a Biblical character) like experience. The common thread is pain and transformation.

I wanted to quote some people here, But no. I will be sharing links to other articles. I think it would be like reinventing the wheel.

The idea is to inform you and help. I have been there and it can feel really lonely. Here are some interesting articles.

Article No. 1

The Dark Night of the Soul: Understanding Amidst the Absence of Meaning by Joshua Press.

In article, Joshua shares beautiful quotes on Dark Night of the Soul (DNTS). He shares interesting points and the transformative experience of it.

It's an article that can get you to understand the topic deeper and from a different perspective.

Article No. 2

18 Signs You’re Experiencing A Dark Night Of The Soul, Otherwise Known As an Existential Crisis by Brianna Wiest.

This article speaks on the way to identify if you are going through it. 

She covers a list of points that would help you identify DNTS in your life or situation.

Article No.3 (Not exactly an Article, But a Wiki)

Dark Night of the Soul by Wikipedia

This wiki covers various aspects of DNTS and it is quite informative.

There could be more resources but I think this would give us a good way to explore the topic a bit more. 

Why I think it's an Opportunity

Looking back, I think it was actually an opportunity. I realized the freedom I had in myself. 

I saw the Bullshit all around, all the things that were actually tying me down and pull me under its weight.

Maybe sometimes things are allowed to happen to us to free us (I am sure many people may not like what I am saying).

Sometimes rebooting and starting over may not be a bad thing. It could be for the good. 

We can use our insights and troubles to benefit.

Clichéd but we could actually Transform our Mess into a Message.

Some Pointers

3 R's


via GIPHY

So what is 3R? Its a song heard from my daughter. Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.
 

Yes, 😂 You heard it right. In real life, we must recycle the crap we face and transform it into something useful.

Just because something is garbage, it does not logically ( and Experientially) follow that discarding it (Experiences, Relations, or maybe our Painful experiences) is the only option.

Yes, It is easier said than done. But it is a Transformative Experience. Dying and came back to a 'New life' is a theme we see in nature and religion, It is not without wisdom.

So We must Reduce toxic thoughts/people, Reuse our time and thoughts to move beyond ourselves, and Recycle our crappy phases to our benefit.

Self Caring is not selfish. You can help others only when you are there.

Delay Decision Making


Don't rush making important decisions


When we are not in a proper zone Mentally I wonder how wise it is to make a decision.

Think about it, it is not. Rational and well thought of decisions can go bad ( Due unknown factors )

So imagine making Life-changing decisions when things are very different from normal.

I heard this advice from a Preacher John Mac Arthur ( I don't agree with all that he says, But Good advice is good)

When you are going through the Dark Night of the soul mode, it can really screw with your head.

See-through the Illusion


via GIPHY

Sometimes when things are difficult or we are trying to solve problems sticking to only one perspective can be binding and many can be confusing.

This power idea caught my attention. The idea that when we are in difficult moments we only tend to evaluate our past through dark lenses.

We paint everything bad and gloomy. Maybe we need to see things from another perspective.

May be like an illusion careful analysis and wisdom would be required to understand things. I believe our situations are no different.

Conclusion

DNTS can be difficult, but it should encourage you that many people have shared the same experience.

They have used situations like this to transform themselves. It's human and normal to have experiences like these. 

If you find it overburdensome, share your experiences with a friend or a professional counselor.

I hope this article was interesting and has helped you. Do share this article and give me your feedback about my thoughts/opinions and how you find my website.

Catch you in the next post. 

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The Short guide on Understanding Introvertedness: Advantages of Being Introverted and some necessary myth-busting

July 20, 2020

Understanding Introversion and some wrong ideas about it


Introversion is not a disease


I have been comfortable with being me for quite a long time. 

But during my shyness phase, things were quite different. 

I remember when my parents would push me to make new friends. 

They treat my Introvertedness as something bad. I don't know your opinion, but It's okay to be yourself.

Over the years while reflecting on the topic of Introversion-Extroversion. I realized I was not Introverted but an ambivert. 

Nonetheless, I tend more towards being an introvert (Though my wife thinks I am a full-blown extrovert.)

Today, Let's look at what does it mean to be an introvert and How does it differ from an extrovert.


What is an Introvert?

According to the Dictionary, It means a Shy, reticent person.

It's understandable how it can seem quite out of place for some to be one. But think about it, if there are 2 introverts for every 5 people. 

We are speaking about a lot of them (This is not a verified figure, I am using this figure to drive a point). 

Imagine there are billions of people, and that all are somehow deficient. The reason because they are not very sociable or whatever.

It is plain stupid. According to Introvert Retreat, 25% of the U.S. population are introverts. They say that other studies say that it is about 50% of the population.

So if you are an introvert, You are fine and it's normal. There is nothing to sweat about.


An Introvert is not shy (Though some could be)

Interesting Video on Shyness vs Introversion


Yes, Whatever the definition may be, all Introverts are not shy. 

I have had friends who were comfortable not being too sociable. They preferred more close friends and deeper conversations. 

But they were far from being shy.

So Thinking to be an Introvert is to be shy is not true. Shyness is not introversion, and I would like to speak about that in the future.


Homebound by choice

Being Introverted does not mean staying at home all the time.

There could be other reasons for that. 

I would love to move around but at the same time be comfortable with myself being with no one. 

 I did not feel alone or anything. 

In my mind, it was more time for thoughtful reflection and enjoying the moment in my own kind of way.


Boring

People have their definitions or criteria for what they enjoy.

It's personal and generalizing it is a problem. I enjoy debates and love reading books. 

For another person, this may not be stimulating. To me that is fine. Each one can have their own idea of what fun is. 

There are no celestial commandments of fun.


So are there any advantages to being an Introvert?


Never assume quiet is weak and loud is strong - Anonymous
 

It's pretty obvious there are advantages. Some may not want to reflect on the benefits of Introversion.

For Starters, Introverts have more time to pursue ideas and thoughts. 

They couple it with reflection and deep thinking. This has its advantages.

Another benefit could be Reasoning and being deliberate before making a decision. 

This could help them make thoughtful and strategic decisions.

Last but not the least, They can give a good listening hear. Probably proper guidance too. This could really great.


Conclusion

There is a lot more I could say about Introversion. But I think as Humans we generalize to help us make sense of People and concepts.

But each person is unique and sometimes these generalizations are unfair and stereotypical.

I have included some resources to help you dig deeper into this topic and related ideas.

Do Join our Community by liking my FB page for more ideas and updates.

Do share your feedback and comments!


Further Reading

EQ, 3 Important Benefits, Key tools and having a strong Emotional Quotient as an Important Life Skills

May 23, 2020

Importance of Emotional Quotient and Benefits of working on it

As an Educator, I have seen Parents really sweat about their children not performing. I think it is important to perform well in exams and in academics in general. But I really appreciate that over the years a lot of students have been encouraged to also focus on building themselves as individuals.

Simple Skills like Listening and Expressing oneself is so Important. A healthy and vibrant education system should also work on building the emotional Life of a person. Working on building ones EQ is as important as IQ.

As an Introvert or to be precise as an Introvert who does seem like one, The concept of Emotional Quotient can be a very useful tool in understanding oneself and others. It helps one see the importance of Feelings and subjective thinking in the way we understand life, concepts and also ourselves.

What is EQ?

Understanding ourselves and others

Understanding ourselves and others


As a student of Management and Psychology, I would like to explore the concept of EQ. Emotional Quotient is a concept I learnt when I read a book by Daniel Goleman by the same name. My Uncle introduced me to this concept and Its quite a powerful tool.

A textbook definition of Emotional Quotient reads as "It is the ability to be in control emotions of oneself, others or a group". So as the definition suggests it can help you understand yourself and others. Like any ability practice and good understanding of the related concepts and exercises will help you get a better grasp on it. 

Let me share an experience of how EQ helped me, I pursued an MBA as I was interested in understanding how big and impossible tasks could be managed very successfully and seemingly easily. 

It really motivated me to pursue management as a subject. But I understood that besides understanding Management and related topics, I needed to express myself. The introvertedness was not the problem, Though I thought it was.

I needed to present myself and do public speaking. This really made me scared. After reflecting on the problem I understood that rather than introvertedness, it was shyness that was the issue. 

I began to see that I never knew of techniques and methods to deliver a good speech. Some people had these abilities naturally, for me it was not a part of my mental make. To make a long story short I had to learn Public speaking and really enjoyed my MBA.

Sometimes we don't realise that understanding ourselves can also help us in dealing with issues and it also helps us in helping others.

Emotional Quotient or even building your Intelligence requires constant working. So do grab the Book by Daniel Goleman  (Not an Affiliate Link...I don't earn anything on this link) on this topic for a thorough study on the topic.

But to share in brief some quick ideas on EQ, Some important components of EQ would be Self awareness, Self Management, Social awareness and Relationship management.

Self Awareness would be trying to understand one's thinking and moods.

Self management would be recognising your own emotions and how they affect others.

Social Awareness as the name suggest will focus on how we build rapport with others. So that would mean things like understanding others, learning to be socially comfortable etc.

Lastly Relationship Management will deal with building good relationships. This has many personal and work related applications.

As you can see this is a really powerful concept. Now let's jump into why this matters and how this is going to help you. Before I continue I am not getting any Affiliate Mullah or Money for promoting this book. It's just that the book is really useful.

The Benefits

Benefits of EQ

Benefits of EQ


I noticed some benefits to practicing Emotional Intelligence. It helped me connect with people. I was able to connect better with people around me. 

Besides these benefits there are more benefits to practicing EQ. A better EQ helps us understand others and helps us motivate ourselves and others as well. A lot of companies prefer employees with better EQ.

EQ also contributes to better Stress and Mental Health Management. This impacts our personal and work lives. 

Now let us look at some key tools to a Strong EQ.

Key Tools for building a Strong EQ

FEAR

FEAR- False Expectations Appearing Real


Some of the tools that helps build a Strong EQ are as follows:

Practice Mindfulness: It is making a habit of being present in the current moment. It's about not getting lost in the past or the present. It's about being still and knowing the present moment.

Communication: Communication is a very powerful tool. Communication is more than expressing our thoughts, it's also about expressing ourselves. Most of our Communication is much more than words. It also means listening to others and their body language. This helps us relate with them and understand much more than words that they are saying.

Laugh a bit: Life has its ups and downs. Laughing at life is not only delightful but it also lightens up situations. It also helps see the lighter side of life.

Right Attitude:  Life is difficult, but the right attitude make us brave. It helps us deal with situations that appear. I loved the full form I heard from a sermon by Rev. Joyce Meyer, F.E.A.R. is False Expectations Appearing Real. Fear can distort our reality. When it's coupled with wrong attitudes can prove ineffective in solving problems.

Conclusion

via GIPHY

So building our Emotional Quotient is as important as working on our IQ. We must encourage healthy emotional and mental habits in ourselves and other.

Change your mind, Change your life. In the next article, I will be looking at some important aspects of EQ. Catch you in the next post, Ciao!

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Reasons why your time is an important resource

May 05, 2020

Time is one of our most precious resources

Staying at home has got more busier than ever. Housework can be so tedious, can't imagine how our domestic helps manage all this and then go back home to their families. 

They are like angels, A lot of times we fail to appreciate the simple things that life can bless us with.

Today I am going to share ideas and thoughts on one of such resources. This Resource is the most valuable. People think it is in abundance and they trade it like there is a lot of it. 

That resource is time. Only if all knew the amount of time we have allotted to us, life would be very different.

Time and Timing are really two powerful ideas. One is a resource and the other is a strategy. Time Management thus becomes important, But today I want to explore the 'Why'.

Exploring the 'Why' 

Our strategies would be incomplete if it is completely divorced from time.

 

I think wages for time and expertise is something most of us can relate to whether we are employed or employing others. 

A lot of our aspirations require time, For example if you want to lose your weight. It could take a lot of time. Starting a business completing or getting a degree also takes time.

Our concern with results requires us to make decisions in time. Thus our strategies in utilizing time is critical. Our strategies would be incomplete if it is completely divorced from time.

It would be lost to irrelevance. Time thus can said to be a very important resource. Often Leisure can get a bad name as it can be mistaken as an activity to misuse time. But Leisure in itself is harmless, it utilizes our spare time to bring a certain kind of refreshment and enjoyment to our lives. Like anything important and good it can also be misused.

But this is the way we master things by our hits and misses. So managing this important resource time becomes important. We can utilise it for earning a living, leisure or achieving a goal. But all of these ventures require fruitful utilization of our goals and this important resource called 'Time'.

Some ideas to consider

Prepared Mind
Prepared Mind with Useful actions

So we must not waste time they say, But how about wasting some of it to manage it more effectively. 

Like any thing that needs to be managed we must direct it a specific end or purpose.  We should able to detect when we are wasting it and when we are utilising it.

So Clarity in effective Time Management can start with knowing when we are wasting it and having some guidelines to effectively know when we are not using it properly. We could grade our tasks accordingly, in keeping our goals in mind.

Time management I believe besides being a system is an art that needs to be mastered.

Time makes your dreams* a reality


via GIPHY

I believe that when we use Time effectively we can help us lead a more fulfilling life. This is what I mean by Dreams i.e. Aspirations that take a form or reality in our lives.

Time utilised properly means doing tasks and paying attention to certain goals. Eventually they are achieved by going through a series of successes and failures. 

There is no magic here, but successful utilisation of a Powerful Resource. So in a sense Time is the only resource we must be thrifty about.

Time is Precious

I believe its a normal feeling to be reminiscing our childhood days. The fun we had in school. How simple life seemed when we were in school...But it would not be realistic to expect someone to turn back time.

This is how irreplaceable and precious time is. Instead of hoping and praying for the gift of bilocation, sensibly we can use Time Management. Doing one thing at a time properly and strategically to enjoy and achieve our goals successfully.

We must not think of Time Management as something we do alone, we hire and delegate others to help us achieve our goals. 

For example, If you want to a healthy diet. Consult a dietician and get a cook or recipe to have the necessary healthy meals required. Join a group of people who into weight loss and get the support required. 

Of course, This is just an example...But the thing is that Time Management doesn't need to be individualistic. 

Team up and be flexible. Being rigid in my experience has only made feel hopeless and eventually give up. Incorporating a bit of flexibility has helped a great deal.

Starting with Effective Time Management

I am sure there many good resources on Time Management, I plan to create a useful resource too (Would be available soon...Check this space soon!). But for now, I think we need to have good reasons for effectively implementing Time Management.

For starters, Time is a resource that we only have a limited quota of. For most of us we do not know how much. This is not that bad.

We must keep in mind that most of our goals and aspirations require time to achieve. Teaming up with people is an important aspect of being Effective Time Management.

Of course there are many other skills required. But I think focus on the right reasons are highly essential for effective Time Management.

One concrete way to start could be by Journaling your successes and failures to implement Time Management. 

Conclusion

So wrapping up, Reasons there are plenty, But focus on the important things can keep us grounded. I believe Time is too precious and each moment unique.

Right Thought and Effective Management always requires proper systems and structure, but focus on the reasons cannot be traded to be effective.

I would like to end this article with this powerful quote, 

Time is precious

I wish you the best of  health and fulfilling life. 

Please share and comment on this article with your valuable feedback.

Further Reading

Things not to do when things get difficult

Preparing a Gratitude Journal


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5 Things not to do when things get difficult, Life Strategies for Tough times

April 03, 2020

Things not to do when times are difficult


 Most of us have learned great and good ideas from School, our experience in a job or business and life in general. There are phases when things are great and high, there are times when things are not as great as we expected them to be. 

These moments besides being quite defining moments can be opportunities.  It helps us incorporate all that we have gained from our reflections and learnings to the test. These are moments we should treasure and cherish (though the difficulty).

But to be cautious these are times we can make stupid and regretful decisions. I have made some of those kinds of decisions. But looking back I do see how they have affected my life for the better.

So I thought of sharing some ideas and pointers that can guide us during such moments. 

There is an interesting quote that goes like this 'Tough times don't last, Tough people, do'. But what does it mean to be tough when confusion and chaos rule your life situation. It could be toughness in the sense of having the courage to pull through the situation. Pull through it with all our imperfections and all our hopes.

Here some ideas I would like to share that we should do during such times.

Life is pressing the Reset button

Life sometimes directs our course to a different route. Difficulties could be signals for changes that are going to come into our lives. Changes can be difficult. 

Sometimes 'Why' may not be the question that helps. 

So, how do we respond to such difficult times can help us. 

Our response gets directed by our Perspective and attitude. These are the moments when we need to realize that can be a great opportunity to learn and grow as an individual.

Gratefulness  as a habit

Powerful Quotes on Gratitude

When things are going downhill we get more clarity about our situation. We know what is normal and how valuable the simple things in life are. 

Practicing gratefulness is putting positivity into action. It is gearing up to be solution-oriented.

Gratefulness helps us focus on the better side of life. It helps us realize that life is more than us.

Getting spiritual

Homo Divinicus


The way I understand religion and spirituality is that religion systematizes spirituality. 

Spirituality to me is rising above our current situation. It is practicing purposeful living. It surpasses and is above our belief systems.

I see it as an innate ability every human being has.

Putting on our Creative Hats

It's an opportunity to practice creativity. I am not saying its a silver bullet to solve your problems. 

But you may never know it could be a useful self-discovery tool.

Learning about our own abilities can be enlightening. Difficult situations bring out the best in us. These are those moments that can show us abilities we thought we never had. 

Hang on, do your best...I mean practice creativity. 

Forgetting Self

Self-care is not self-centredness

Yes, All or at least most of us will at times sulk or fret about difficulties and problems. 

But by forgetting self-focus and looking at other people's needs can be a useful strategy. 

Learning how others resolved their problems can get us ideas that can be useful to us. 

It can bring resolutions to our own problems.

So what are things we must not do...

Right Choices for not so Right times

I have seen from my own experience the tendency becomes to react to situations. 

If luck or whatever doesn't favor you, things could get bad to worse. So First things don't Panic.

Freaking out may not be the best or useful thing to do. 

The next on the list is thinking that life has been unfair to you. 

The main assumption here is that my current situation somehow defines us and our future. This is not necessary, things go very differently from what you expect.

Killing this fatalistic thinking can help us get more resourceful and can conserve a lot of wasted energy. 

Another one is self-deception. We can fool ourselves into thinking that somehow the problem will solve itself. 

It won't solve itself, we need to focus and work on them.

Praying and meditating can be useful, God may intervene. But magical thinking may not be useful.

Confusing self-care with being self-centered. ( Since life has not been fair or whatever else) Yes, they are different and it is for another blog post.

In conclusion


I would like to say rather bluntly 'Shit happens'. 

Getting through it and successful is the aim. Beating yourself or throwing yourself a pity party is not. 

If you are facing anxiety or personal difficulties do consider getting help. Speaking to someone you trust does help, But qualified help is much better

Consider speaking to a qualified counselor or professional mental health expert.

Further Reading


https://www.mhanational.org/deal-better-hard-times

https://www.marcandangel.com/2014/04/06/9-things-to-stop-doing-during-hard-times/

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/7-things-people-forget-when-they-are-down-and-going-through-the-tough-times-life.html


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